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Joke of the Day

"[Spelling Bee] -Your word is phlegm -Can you use it in a sentence? *loudly clears throat for 5 minutes*"

"Bartender: A shot of whiskey can cleanse the soul Me: *thinks back to the time I ""experimented"" in college* I'll take 27 bottles please"

"What does the mafia and a girls pussy have in common? One slip of the tongue and you're in shit!"

"When I Die I want my remains to be scattered at Disneyland. I also don't want to be cremated."

"How do you test a saltshaker ? You call in a redditor."

"Not gonna lie to you guys, I've used my inter-net connection to look at boobs, tits, and what have you."

"A lot of the parents at my kids' school don't really seem into sharing a laugh about the inescapability of death."

"What Are Donald Trump's favorite kind of nuts? Wall nuts."

"2001 called... They want their towers back"

"Me: When I was lying in bed, I found this huge lump. I need it removed. Doctor: Ma'am, that's your husband. Me: And your point is...?"