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Joke of the Day

"Never date a philosophy major My last girlfriend was one and she spent most of her time trying to prove that I didn't exist"

"I once farted in an Apple Store and everyone got pissed.. It's not my fault they don't have Windows"

"[commercial] ""This commercial is so confusing. I wish they would just tell us what they're selling"" narrator: Narrators"

"It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission. "

"The wood necromancer thought he had the upper hand when he trapped the clerics in his log cabin... But all too soon, the tables had turned."

"A liberal, a conservative and a moderate walk into a bar. The bartender says ""Afternoon, Mitt! What can I get for you?"""

"Masturbation Just got back from competing in the Blindfolded Masturbation World Championship No idea where I came."

"ME: Michaelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel on his back? GF: Yep M: [2 hours later] How did he reach the bit between his shoulders?"

"I had my identity stolen once. The next day I found it on my doorstep with a note saying, ""F@ck you, you can keep it."""

"Who are the fastest readers? 9/11 victims- 100 storeys in 10 seconds"