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Joke of the Day

"I think i'm lactose intolerant I've had 6 milkshakes today and feel like crap."

"Father: "" I know the answer to your bad grades. You're spending too much time watching television."" Son: "" I'm sorry you'll have to phrase that in the form of a question."""

"Pretty funny that turtles are always in uniform. It's like lighten up, turtles. The war is over."

"For Sale: Thick layer of dust. As seen on TV."

"I went to a nightclub the other evening and saw a topless ventriloquist. She was really good. I never saw her lips move."

"The French word for shoe insole is semelle, which they often do."

"What's the difference between beer nut and deer nuts? Beer nuts will cost you about $1.25. Deer nuts are under a buck."

"[First date] So what do you do for a living? ""I'm a florist"" WHY DON'T YOU LIKE THE FLOOR? WHAT HAS IT DONE TO YOU, IS IT BECAUSE IT'S LAVA?"

"Will Glass Coffins Be A Success? Remains to be seen."

"Nobody's perfect! Q: What did the verb say when the words have, has, and had were removed from the English language? A: ""Nobody's perfect!"""