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Joke of the Day

"What do toilets and humans have in common? You can give them as much crap as you want, but when push comes to shove, bleach makes everything better again."

"I'm voting my fridge for president. Because America needs to chill the fuck out."

"One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back."

"Why couldn't the blacksmith use lead to create the lock? Because it would have Lead(II) trouble."

"How does the Terminator lose weight? By counting Kylereese."

"I had a joke about insanity but then I lost it."

"Did you know that there is an elephant at Bush Gardens? That's what I call my crotch."

"Every time I lay down in bed I think 'why didn't I do this sooner?'"

"I just realized that I get most of my news from Twitter. So... someone remind me what Pres Bieber's health care bill will do to your mom?"

"It was my grandmas birthday yesterday... She loves giraffes so I brought her deep throat 4 on DVD"