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Joke of the Day

"[cool person follows me] me: ok I gotta bring my A game now it's only good tweets from here me 5 mins later: horses r just big dogs ?"

"[Who Wants to be a Millionaire] Me: I'm stumped. Can I phone a friend? Host: What's your friend's name? Me: Wikipedia."

"Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?..."

"What is a uppercase 'i'? Pointless."

"What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson!"

"Why do Autonomous cars have steering wheels? You have to hold on to something, when the shit hits the fan. ;->"

"Where did the little Japanese girl go when the little boy dropped by? Everywhere."

"My friend asked if I knew what kind of sweater he was wearing. I said I had no idea, he said ""Guess."" ""Hollister?"" ""No. Guess."" ""North face?"" ""No... Guess"" I sill don't know."

"Dear girls that go tanning, it's called 'sunkissed', it's not called 'dorito raped'."

"I like Kanye West as much as the next guy... ...as long as the next guy isn't Kanye West."