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Joke of the Day

"My dog's favorite movie is 50 Shades of Grey... because the sex is rrruff."

"No Brett, I didn't even read that email. I'm not speaking to you because I overheard your Starbucks order this morning."

"If you haven't had a vagina around your neck... You haven't lived. Happy Mother's Day!"

"I had a threesome on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister... It was wrong on so many levels."

"Satan: Welcome to hell! You can spend all eternity walking barefoot across legos OR you can wear these crocs. Me: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

"How do you end an argument with a woman? Tell her to calm down. You're dead now but the argument is over."

"The last time Twitter was down I realized it didn't take 6 hours to poop."

"Why did the scare crow get a raise? Because he was outstanding in his field. Annnnd you all have cancer now."

"Why did the rock star fail his depressing math exam? He couldn't get the saddest fraction."

"Making French toast is a lot like making regular toast. The only difference is that you use your tongue."