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Joke of the Day

"At what point does CPR become necrophilia? When you both get hard."

"""I am going on a trip."" ""Mushrooms or acid?"""

"[hears a baby crying on the train] Can somebody put that thing on silence please? ""It's a baby.."" ... ""..."" Vibrate?"

"Why do New Zealand farmers now wear kilts? Because the sheep have gotten used to the sound of zippers"

"Me: *nervous giggle* Goodbyes are so awkward. Like do I go in for a kiss or what? Drive-thru attendant: Please just take your food, sir."

"I'd like to join the Navajo tribe... I hear they've got great fringe benefits."

"9am: protein shake, oatmeal 1pm: small salad, chicken breast 5pm: grilled salmon, spinach 9pm: 4 whole ""i don't give a shit anymore"" pizzas"

"What would be different if men got pregnant? Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay and morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem."

"Funny pick up line Are you from Japan? Because I want to get in Japanese!"

"What do you call a marijuana robbery? A high-st"