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Joke of the Day

"Me: *nervous giggle* Goodbyes are so awkward. Like do I go in for a kiss or what? Drive-thru attendant: Please just take your food, sir."

"Why is Santa always so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live. You've probably heard this one before. But it's Christmas tomorrow so what the hell."

"If an officer... Ever wants you to say the alphabet backwards, just say ""het tebahpla"""

"What is smaller than a teeny weenie fly? A fly's teeny weenie."

"Why did Putin forget his backpack at home when leaving for school? He was Russian."

"['90s] Did you hear McDonalds just bought the naming rights to that new hockey stadium? They're calling it the Mac-Arena."

"Almond Butter: For people that like peanut butter but don't want to be happy."

"I don't like drug tests... They're not my cup of pee."

"Serial Killer... The police have caught a serial killer with a really bad stammer. They said it'll be a while before he finishes his sentence."

"It's not that I don't want kids, it's just that I don't want a minivan."