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Joke of the Day

"I said Jesus take the wheel. He said I no have license, amigo."

"If the Pilgrims came over on the Mayflower how did the barbers arrive? On clipper ships."

"I hate when I put food in the microwave and it starts making explosive noises so I check and it's still cold. Why you gotta be so childish?"

"Sending everyone soggy empty boxes this year with a note - Hope you enjoy this expensive ice sculpture made in your honor. #CheapChristmas"

"My girlfriend Likes to dress up like her self and act like a bitch."

"Last night I played Cards Against Humanity for the first time... You know what gives me uncontrollable gas? Auschwitz"

"Cat: LET ME OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW LET ME OUT RIGHT NOW! Me: *Staggers out of bed. Opens door* Cat: *lies down on doormat*: You are dismissed."

"My boyfriend said he wanted me to be more affectionate, so now I have TWO boyfriends."

"A family walks into a hotel The father goes to the front desk and says ""I hope the porn is disabled."" The guy at the desk replies. ""It's just regular porn you sick fuck."""

"New research suggests that humans are double-minded... No they're not!"