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Joke of the Day

"Be sure you are standing on your left foot and only your left foot at midnight tonight... ...so that you start the new year off on the right foot!"

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"Cop: we know you're in there. Me in a French accent: I am not ere, I am in France. Cop: when will you be back? Me: je ne comprends pas"
"What do you call haunted titties? BOOOOOBIES!"
"What's the difference between Donald Trump and Adolf Hitler? A mustache"
"Did you hear about the fortune teller that... Had bad breath, calluses all over his body and couldn't win a fight? He was a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed with halitosis."
"I got a boner at a funeral today... It was mourning wood"
"What do you call a skinhead underwater? An oister"
"lawyer: ""my client claims the altercation began because - and i quote - ""he came at me sideways"" crab: ""in my defence.."""
"How do Italian Chefs swap recipes? By Spaghett-e-mail!"
"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything!"