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Joke of the Day

"There's no police in Canda... If your car is faster than a moose"

"I am finally going to be rich someday... I've invested in toilet paper and funeral homes. 'Cause at some point, everyone has to go!"

"I'm so horny... I going to beat my dick like it owed me money"

"Gf: come over Me: can't, playing the new call of duty Gf: my parents are out of town Me: you're 30 years old, grow up"

"Why did Hitler like his Adidas's? They were made by his distant relative."

"Congress always makes me feel nostalgic for college when I waited for the last minute to do shitty work and blame anyone but myself."

"Why were the Star Wars made IV, V, VI, I, II, III? Because in charge of distribution, Yoda was."

"Which Sri Lankan do Star Wars fans like? May Theforcebewithyou."

"My parents are mixed raced. My Dad prefers the 100 meters, and my mother is Pakistani. ~ Stewart Francis."

"My 5-year-old found two pennies and shared one with her sister. I grounded them both because I'm not raising any communists."