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Joke of the Day
"What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See you next month"
Next Joke
"I always type ""please"" at the end of my Google searches because I'm not an asshole."
"I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems"
"How do you stop the neighbours kids from playing in your yard? Molest them"
"I'm rich beyond my wildest dream... Too bad my dreams were never too wild."
"In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY. My best time so far is 7 min."
"My idiot friend wanted to get into porn. He heard that the camera adds ten pounds."
"Good thing Father's Day is only one day. I don't think I could stand to be a father longer than that."
"[Walks up to stranger] Me: ""Excuse me, would you take my picture?"" Him: ""Sure."" Me: ""Great!"" [I hand him a beautiful 5x7 portrait of me]"
"Trump is opting not to have celebrities at his inauguration in the same way that I opted not to take any cheerleaders to prom."