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Joke of the Day

"In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY. My best time so far is 7 min."

"What Greek tragedy was written by a neckbeard? [Tips fedora] ""M'dea."""

"Women just want security At least that's what they start yelling when I try to talk to them!"

"I bet Flo Rida sometimes wishes he went with the name 'In Diana' instead."

"I got kicked out of the Boy Scouts... ... for eating a Brownie."

"Bought my dad a pair of Crocs for his birthday, then pushed him down a flight of stairs for looking stupid in them."

"Helium walks into a bar The bartender says, ""We don't serve your kind here"". Helium had no reaction."

"{Goes to buy Virgin Airlines ticket} ""Can I buy one even if I've done sex?"" Um. Yes sir ""Cause I have"" Okay ""I've done all of it"" Please go"

"What do you call a epileptic roman emperor? Just had a Seizure. (too those who dont get it read it out loud quickly)"

"I actually like the smell of moth balls, but it's so hard to hold them still without hurting their little wings."