145227

Joke of the Day

"One time we ran out of soap- -so we had to use hand sanitizer!!!"

"I was at the pub the other day when the landlord walked up to me, handed me a phone and said, ""It's for you, sir"" ""Thanks mate,"" I said, took it and walked away. What a generous lad."

"<gets on elevator > Pushes all the buttons Hugs everyone Prays out loud that we're not going to die Gets off at the 2nd floor Laughs"

"The worst mix of diseases? Alzheimer and diarrhea. You run but you don't remember where."

"Jose Cuervo showed up at his girlfriend's house with a gun... Tequila"

"Reddit is too too mean to fat people. You guys really need to lay off. They already have enough on their plates."

"Love is like a fart If you have to force it, it's probably shit."

"My husband says if this gets 150 upvotes we'll try anal just like every other night"

"Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?"

"The wife told me to go out and get some of those pills that will help me get an erection. You should have seen her face when I came back and gave her some diet pills."