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Joke of the Day

"What's green and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger"

"*opens up briefcase in court, revealing snakes* ""Wait. Then that means-"" [cut to my nemesis waking up surrounded by my opening statement]"

"What's the difference between a pregnant lady and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb."

"If vampires like the taste of blood so much they should floss."

"Stupid millennials. Always on their phones. Always doing chatsnaps. Always being born into a world where ownership determines everything."

"What did the mama bullet say to the papa bullet? We're going to have a BB!"

"What do u call a greedy lesbian? Bush hog."

"Once upon a time,there was this cute black rabbit... ...he used to breath from his arsehole.After a long day of collecting carrots he sat down to rest and died."

"I love Mondays... It's when I take my weekly sarcasm class."

"Why did the tissue get up and dance? It had a little boogy in it."