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Joke of the Day

"What did the mama bullet say to the papa bullet? We're going to have a BB!"

"Husband just asked if I was too drunk to cook dinner. Ha! Does he think I'm some sort of amateur? *googles how to cover up burnt eyebrows*"

"You can always tell a guy masturbates a lot, by his hands. If you look closely, you'll see a wedding ring."

"Just read a story in a magazine that a woman is claiming she was raped by an alien.. Big Deal!.. So was Lady Gaga's mother"

"Did you hear about the schizophrenic accounts manager? He couldn't help but hear invoices inside his head."

"BREAKING. With Disney buying Star Wars Donald Duck will now have four nephews. Huey, Louie, Dewey and Chewie."

"I lost 12 pounds in a week. Good thing I'm not a big investor."

"Did you know that Lombard street in San fransisco is the second most crooked street in the United States? The most crooked street in the United States is Wall Street!"

"Nothing shows the depressing reality of physical aging more than a boy band reunion."

"Moses was computer savvy.. ..He had two tablets!"