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Joke of the Day

"Sup, ducks? Lookin' straight nuclear with your orange ass bills & your furry yellow torsos. All aquatic & shit. Lazy as hell, too. One love."

"Sometimes I feel like Stephen Hawking in the morning Because I can't get out of bed."

"New years- the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early"

"How do you get a frog out of a paper bag? Ripit"

"Why did the train get hit by lighting? Because of the conductor."

"In an effort to be sexier for my wife, I figured I'd pluck 60% of my chest hair... 3 of the 5."

"Why won't the honeydew marry the watermelon? Because they cantaloupe.."

"What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup Everyone can roast beef"

"what did Spock find in the ships lavatory? the captain's log"

"ME: *fumbling with bra* sorry im usually good at this HER: its...fine ME: *successfully gets bra off* there we go, now you take off yours"