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Joke of the Day

"ME: *fumbling with bra* sorry im usually good at this HER: its...fine ME: *successfully gets bra off* there we go, now you take off yours"

"""SMH, SMH, SMH, hi, SMH, SMH"" (a text message from Muhammad Ali)"

"It appears the brain trust has commenced its meeting. Listen to those synapses fire."

"How do you stop the protests in Charlotte? Sing the nation anthem they will sit down"

"How did the Mexicans get across the border? They went through Juan by Juan. ^Forgive ^me."

"What do you call a man with no arms & no legs... ...hanging on the wall? Art ...floating in the sea? Bob ...laying on the floor? Matt ...down in a hole? Phil ...sitting in a pot? Stu ..."

"My wife was excited after my vasectomy. She said it was a load off of her chest.^.(stole ^off ^imgur, ^sowwie)"

"Can you believe my girlfriend's mother said I'm a pedophile because I'm 40 and she's 20? Just because she's a mother doesn't mean she can judge people twice her age."

"Harrison Ford has broken his ankle. There will now be a new Star Wars cast."

"This woman I met last night says she wants a guy who is ""spontaneous and fun"". Yet when I tapped on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it is all panic and screaming."