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Joke of the Day

"What kind of movies do scurvy circles enjoy? rated movies."

"What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? He wiped his arse."

"[Court] ""Do you swear to tell the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"" Me: yes. *GF from the back* DO THESE PANTS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?"

"Chimps Broke Out of Ferguson Zoo Apparently they're starting fires across town."

"Why is a giraffes neck so long? Because the head is so high up."

"My wife has to be the worst cook. Her specialty is indigestion."

"What's the hardest part about eating vegetables? The Wheelchair."

"A step-by-step guide on how to parallel park! 1) Park somewhere else."

"Obviously, Mario Kart is not a documentary. It's a dramatization of real events."

"I identify as an employee wherever I go. Now I can use any bathroom I need to."