79942

Joke of the Day

"How do you start to politely tell someone that their God isn't in the stars? ""Well... If it's any constellation..."""

"Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America ? On their feet !"

"Sometimes I look out over the new construction in my city, old ground being dug up to make room for the new, and I think to myself: I really should have buried the bodies somewhere else."

"Wife: I told you to slow down. Cop: License & registration, please. Wife (opens glovebox): Divorce papers? Me: Look underneath them."

"They tried to combine a networked hard drive with a device that brewed drinks... It was NAS-tea"

"The guy who invented the Apple maps app walks into a bar ... ... and says, ""Wait a second, this isn't Subway."""

"What do you call allergy season without any Kleenexes? A tissue"

"Life Goals Me at 14 - get a girl to like me, figure out how to have sex Me at 34 - get a girl to like me, figure out how to have sex"

"What do you call a Mexican garden hose in Canada? Joseh"

"We have three types of friends in life: Friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for a lifetime."