79800

Joke of the Day

"A lot of beautiful women have told me that I am a looker... and that I should stop."

"*Watches sad movie* Wife: I like happy endings. Me: me too, but you have to tip more. Wife:... Me: twitter would have liked it."

"A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: ""Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live."" The man said: ""Can you do something for me?"" ""Yes,"" he said. ""I'll boil you an egg."""

"Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card? Man: The thief was spending less than my wife. Police: Then why are you reporting it now? Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!"

"There's recently been an influx of anti-gay jokes recently and I just wanted to say something: jokes using gay people as the punchline are NOT funny Come on guys"

"What's white and smells like black paint? White paint"

"You know what really brings the child out in me? Abortion."

"Whats 1+0? Babies"

"I wish people would stop only talking about Jesus and just start acting like him."

"Picture a fox. Wrong. They are smaller than that."