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Joke of the Day

"[ghost writes YOUR DEAD in condensation on bathroom mirror] ""My dead what?"" [ghost writes *YOU'RE] AAHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today , she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead , until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby."

"Q: Why were the suspenders arrested? A: For holding up a pair of pants."

"I like my women like I like my spaghetti sauce... Prego"

"INTERVIEWER: do u have any weaknesses VIDEO GAME BOSS: [strugling to cover glowing weak spots all over body] UM"

"I like sleeping with amish women that way i don't have to call the next day"

"So, I measured my penis with one of those digital rulers... ...Anyone know how to convert LOL into inches?"

"What was Poppin Fresh's new name after he was put into the witness protection program? John Dough"

"Jared Fogle will feel a sense of familiarity in jail. Even inside jail, he'll be enjoying fresh meat."

"I'm addicted to brake fluid... ...but I can stop whenever I want."