79514

Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I'm supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me."

"I asked my friends how they decided they were going to have a baby... They said it was just sperm of the moment."

"I watched pom. You misread that, didn't you?"

"One step forward for cancer research, two steps back for women getting men to go down on them. Thanks, Michael Douglas"

"If a baby like Justin Bieber is the face of teen angst and rebellion, then we've bubble wrapped our kids too tight."

"What do teachers drink at school? Facul-tea"

"I guess Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift couldn't keep their relationship... Loki."

"How do you greet the cold horse across the fence? Howdy Neigh - Brr Made up by my 4 year old son."

"NORAD tracking Santa? Really? That's what my tax dollars are going to? You're tracking a fictitious fat dude?"

"My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked."