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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I'm supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me."

"Name your kid Basil and see what happens. BEST case scenario he spends hours a day updating Wikipedia."

"What do you call the ghost who is a child-rearing expert? Dr Spook."

"They should make another Taken movie, about Liam Neeson's character being under-appreciated for trying to keep his family safe. ""Taken 4: Granted"""

"What do you call a psychic midget that escapes prison? A small medium at large."

"I'm so introverted I won't even talk to myself."

"Pete and Repeat went into a bar, Pete came out who was left?"

"We put a man on the moon yet we still keep using the same dated scientific progress analogy."

"How many OU (University of Oklahoma) coaches does it take to change a light bulb? None. They aren't about to change a bulb when flipping a switch has worked for 15 years."

"A friend said he couldn't come to my party because he has diarrhea. I don't believe him, I think he's full of shit."