79512

Joke of the Day

"Why do pirates love Playboy Magazine? You'd think it's for the booty, but they really read it for the arrrticles."

"If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life."

"i'm a functioning alcoholic which means i like alcohol roughly as much as i like functioning."

"Guy brings a giraffe into a bar... The giraffe passes out on the floor and the bartender says ""hey, you cant leave that lyin there."" The guy says ""it's not a lion, it's a giraffe."""

"What the mothers against drunk driving aren't counting on is my innate ability to run people over while sober."

"My friend once told me Never start a joke you can't finish That's why I haven't committed suicide yet"

"Sorry I got kicked out of the auditorium for yelling GET A TOMB YOU TWO during your little brother's 9th grade production of Romeo & Juliet."

"My father found the cure for gonorrhea. It was under the TV guide where he left it."

"Having a good friend is just like peeing your pants. Everybody can see it but only you feel that warm sensation of happiness."

"Don't be fooled - orca whales are just penguins set to widescreen 16:9 instead of the usual 4:3."