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Joke of the Day

"Having a good friend is just like peeing your pants. Everybody can see it but only you feel that warm sensation of happiness."

"Why did the golfer wear two pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one."

"I accidentally touched the underside of a public toilet seat with my finger. Well, you had a good run, finger. *chainsaw sound*"

"Beethoven was such a hipster... ... that he never even heard some of his own music."

"Adderall is really dangerous I'm not sure exactly what happened: I took some, and then I must have blacked out or something... all I know is that I'm a grad student now"

"me: ""we commemorate the day you died every year"" jesus: ""thats nice, what's the day called?"" me: jesus: me: jesus: ""keith?"" me: ""bad friday"""

"My mind: ""Today was a productive day."" My body: ""Please don't drink 11 cups of coffee again.""..."

"Virgin Airlines is opening a bank called Virgin Money. It's for people who've never been screwed by a bank before."

"Did you hear about the worlds largest broom? It's really sweeping the nation"

"What do you get when a Catholic priest baptizes hay? You get a Christian Bale"