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Joke of the Day

"Please, Lady, come home with me. You never know what I'll turn into, at midnight!"

"The lobotomist ran off with my wife... And I think he took off with my better half."

"Why do women have boobs? So you got something to look at while you're talking to them. - Thanks Peter Griffin"

"My mom just got out of rehab for her knees Knee addiction is tough, it's one of the toughest habits to kick"

"I own the erasers for all the miniature golf pencils."

"You may refer to him as Cap'n Crunch to others, but you must still salute him in person."

"Star trek predicting future technology? How do we know apple won't be around long? Because Captain Picard uses an android."

"Tingly feeling You know that nice tingly feeling you get when you're falling for someone? That's common sense leaving your body."

"""Y dnt u Muslims tell ISIS to stop"" Ok hold up *pulls out iphone* ""Yo ISIS habibi,its me plz stop"" ISIS:""ok habibi sorry,shisha tonight?"""

"Did you hear Gotye converted from Judaism to Catholicism? After realizing he didn't need to follow Jewish customs, he exclaimed to the rabbi, ""you didn't have to cut me off!"""