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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell which end of a worm is which ? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs !"

"There should be a warning label on those straw cowgirl hats middle-aged women wear on vacation that reads: ""Will cause freckled cleavage."""

"Waitress: would you like another drink? Me: Are you new?"

"Why were the students confused by the gay kid's performance in school? He was getting straight D's"

"""Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it."" -Me lying to someone who's pointing out a constellation"

"When I got pregnant people would always say 'eating for two now are we?' I'd tell them to bugger off, I'm not cutting down."

"A guy using Apple Maps walks into a bar... or maybe a hospital... possibly a church."

"I was going to go to the gym and run 7 miles this morning to continue trying to look good but then I remembered I own Photoshop."

"I was thinking of taking the cross product of force and distance, ... ... but that's so much work."

"There was an accident front of our house yesterday. A man completely lost his entire left side. Luckily the doctors Said he would be alright."