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Joke of the Day

"An American and a Muslim are at a bar. Who got there first? The drone."

"I was tucking my son in last night, and he tells me that his teacher is ""an idiot"" and she's ""out to get him."" Which is just the last thing you want to hear when your kid's home schooled."

"If at first you don't succeed, Skydiving isn't for you."

"All I'm saying is that if M&M's poured out of a person after you stabbed them, I'd probably lose my moral compass very quickly."

"On a perfect date, what question do you ask a girl twice? So... Can I come inside?"

"What did the mortician say to his new necrophiliac employee? Don't worry, you'll fit right in."

"SM A Masochist walks up to a Sadist. Masochist: Hurt me. HURT ME! Sadist: No."

"Why does Waldo wear stripes? Because he doesn't want to be spotted! ~~I'm sorry~~"

"Two sex workers enter Trump's Russian hotel room. Sex worker: ""On a scale of one to 10, how would you rate us?"" Trump: ""Urinate"""

"I'm no weatherman... But you'll be seeing more than a couple inches tonight. ;)"