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Joke of the Day

"[Racist] So a black guy and a Mexican fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first? The Mexican. The black guy's stopped by the rope!"

"Q: What is hail? A: Hard-boiled rain."

"Man in a BMW pulls up next to a kid in the street... and says, ""Excuse me, lad. If I give you 5 bucks will you come in my car?"" Kid says, ""Give me 10 and I'll come in your mouth!"""

"Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they'll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food."

"Some people want Puerto Rico to become the 51st State... I say let's do it, and find two more new states. Then we'd have 53 states. A nice PRIME number... ONE NATION - INDIVISIBLE"

"Where is the most open green space in New York City? Central Pork"

"I carry a backpack full of receipts and gum wrappers and go through it while I'm at a cashier until someone who's frustrated pays for me."

"'Twas the night before Christmas, and everyone knew, you were still out shopping, yes, it sucks to be you."

"If a shark attacks you, DO NOT punch him in the nose. Be the bigger person and just ignore him."

"I started writting an autobiography but I gave up... Story of my life."