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Joke of the Day

"Me: did you get into my weed again? Wife *dipping a pop tart in ranch dressing* what?"

"Which wrestler's weakness is the rain? Dwayne Johnson"

"two fish are in a.... Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, 'do you know how to drive this thing?'"

"What should we call Trump's newest scandal? Golden Gate."

"No, I dont have bad handwriting. I have my own font."

"How do you get a Baby to Stop crying? You Beat it with a brick"

"What is heavy forward but not backward? Ton"

"Don't ever let anybody outshine you in life. If that means arriving at someone's funeral in a casket, then so be it."

"I keep getting scolded for things I didn't do! ""What didn't you do?"" ""My homework"""

"I'll bring a knife to a knife fight because I have common sense. Idiots."