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Joke of the Day

"What type of doctor did Batman visit after Bane broke his back? A Chiroptopracter."

"I grabbed my sisters pussy I thought she said ""Hold my Purse"""

"How many Harvard graduates does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. He holds up the light bulb, and the world revolves around him *I'll see myself out*"

"Damn girl, are you alcohol? Because I've had too much of you and I'm going to throw up."

"""I wish you would stop staring at my breasts. "" said the barmaid, ""you're making me uncomfortable. "" ""Uncomfortable?"" I replied, ""you want to try sitting on one of these stools with an hard on. """

"I bought shoes from a drug dealer I don't know what they were laced with but I have been tripping all day."

"Why shouldn't you buy Russian underpants? Because Chernobyl fallout."

"I farted today and 4 people turned around.. I felt like I was on The Voice."

"If I show you a picture on my phone and you start scrolling, I'm gonna stab you."

"My girlfriend's not pregnant! Edit: I have to apologize... the pregnancy test came back false *negative*... she is pregnant."