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Joke of the Day
"hey Liam Neeson is your ""particular set of skills"" gettin shit stolen from you, like, always ?"
Next Joke
"Why hunt for vampires when you can just open a tuxedo shop and have them come to you? Work smarter, not harder."
"*trains 1 million soldier ants* *gets carried to work*"
"There are two things I don't like in my girlfriend. It's her chin."
"Who hired those 10 Americans to go to Brazil and pretend like they like soccer?"
"I almost got my fingers stuck in my cheese grater. It's one of my greater fears."
"I went to shake the old man's hand But Parkinson's beat me to it"
"Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired."
"My favorite new song is either that one from the Samsung commercial, or the one from the Budweiser commercial."
"The heart wants what it wants, y'know? On an unrelated topic, I'm not allowed in Petco anymore."