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Joke of the Day

"If I get nervous for a date, I just imagine the guy in his underpants, sitting on my couch for the next 40 years, & suddenly I'm annoyed"

"There was once a psych researcher with a rare genetic defect that gave her four buttocks. She was fired for being bi-assed."

"Why was the russian airforce less superior than their enemies? Cause their airplanes kept STALIN!! (Ill see myself out...)"

"Why couldn't I run the Compressed File? I was missing the important Bits."

"Stacy wanted to keep our relationship professional That's when I knew she was a prostitute."

"[Dirty] Surveys show ... Nine out of ten people enjoy gang rape."

"What did the boy with no arms & legs get at the World Cup? Cancer. ( )"

"""Look slightly worried."" - picture advice from The Singer/Songwriter's Handbook"

"Your mother is so stupid, she thinks Moby Dick is a venereal disease."

"It's amazing the little things you learn about your kids as they grow everyday. For example today I learned my 3yo is kind of a mean drunk."