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Joke of the Day

"Him: your so funny, smart & beautiful how are you still single Me: *you're"

"While they're a lot of fun on Halloween, did you know most jack-o'-lanterns end up at the pound? Please. Next year, carve a puppy."

"If I have HIV I hope I find out from a Doctor, like Charlie Sheen did And not from the TV, like his ex girlfriends did."

"Two utensils are laying in bed... One turns to the other and says ""wanna spoon?"" The other replied, ""no, I'd rather fork."""

"An Irish girl tells her mom she decided to be a prostitute. her mom says ""A WHAT""?!! The daughter says ""a prostitute"" then the mom says ""thank god... I thought you said a Protestant"""

"I think my girlfriend might be mad at me, so I'm going to make her a mix-tape to show her how much I care."

"Me: I don't think Grinding Dory is appropriate for the kids. Wife: I said FINDING DORY & we need to discuss your internet usage."

"Did you here about the Jewish son who asked his father for $50? The father says - ""40 dollars, what do you need 30 dollars for?"""

"Superman: "" I'm faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive"" Batman: I fight a penguin and this really persistent clown"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bobby ! Bobby who ? Bobby-n up and down like this !"