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Joke of the Day

"Scared the postman by going to the door naked. I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived."

Next Joke
 
"""I have 29 seconds left to live... Please let me just hear our song before I die"" Anything you want! *googles song* *30 second ad plays* NOO"
"The NBA is like a box of crayons... they don't use the white ones."
"[recording studio] Producer: Um what're you guys doing? Singer: Ending the song Producer: You don't have to fade out. We'll do that in here."
"Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!"
"What do you call a lesbian with one leg shorter than the other? Gaylene!"
"If you hold the door open for me when I'm more than ten feet away, you aren't doing me a favor. You're making me exercise."
"I didn't believe women were getting their assholes bleached Then my sisters boyfriend took his hat off..."
"Just need to grow I wanted to grow my own food but I couldn't get bacon seeds anywhere."
"Ever see a bottle of TUMS in the mirror? You'll run out of windex..."