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Joke of the Day

"i have a very frustrated pet at home... its a turtle that loves to chase cars"

"What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wire fence? It was an udder disaster. ^(I'll show myself out)"

"100% of the people that talk sh!t about your life, have sh!ttier lives than you."

"[first date] ME: I'm from a broken home. HIM: When did your parents divorce? ME: No, they were hoarders, and the second floor collapsed."

"What is the best nickname for a nun in heaven? If you guessed ""Heaven nun"" or ""Angel nun"" you're wrong. The answer was ""Nun of the Above""."

"I asked my German friend how many jews there are in Germany today He replied: I don't know, do you want me to gas? (This is conversation actually took place like an hour ago)"

"""President Clinton, can you respond to rumors of renewed infidelity?"" The only woman in my life is my darling *squints at notecard* Hitlery"

"Today I saw 2 blind people fighting. I shouted ""I support the one with the knife.!"" they both ran away."

"One-One was a race horse, Two-Two was one too One-One won one race and Two-Two's leg was broken and he had to get euthanized."

"Golf is like life! It has it's ups and downs, but eventually you end up in a hole"