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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a kangaroo who chases rock stars to have sex with them? A kangaroupie."

"What do you say Everytime maths wants you to calculate value of his X Dear Maths, I'm sick & tired of finding your 'X' she's gone dude and don't ask 'Y'"

"Today, I looked in the mirror and didn't even recognize myself... Then, I realized it was a window."

"My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot... ...It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away."

"Q: Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus? A: He comes down the chimney wakes up the children and says ""Hey kids do you want to buy some toys?"""

"A man walks into a psychiatrists office wearing plastic wrap underwear. Psychiatrist says ""Well, i can clearly see your nuts."""

"Things i use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%"

"I try to use proper grammar and punctuation in all of my tweets, until I'm about to go over the 140 character limit...& den u no how it b."

"What's a vampire's favorite hobby? In-grave-ing."

"If you feel like someone is playing mind games with you, they totally are and you should kill them before they kill you."