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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an Asian lobster? A crustasian"

"Checked into a hotel expecting one night stand but there were 2! Mighty pleased."

"What do you call a cool bear?"

"What do you call a giant squid who runs a tow service in Indonesia? A Kraken-towa!"

"Before you insult somebody, walk a mile in their shoes Then, when you insult them you'll be a mile away and they'll have no shoes."

"I can't figure out why my son hates me. Tim hates you? No, my other son. I can't remember his name. I just call him ""not Tim"""

"friend gave me an inhaler my friend was dying on the floor and he gave me an inhaler, guess he wanted to give something for me to remember him. weird."

"I have a button on my microwave that says stop time. I assume its for the timer but I don't touch it just in case."

"Saw a cow jump over a barbed wire fence today... It was udder destruction."

"I'm still disappointed that Penguin and Random House merged to become Penguin Random House and not the more hilarious Random Penguin House."