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Joke of the Day

"If I had a dollar for every person who found me unattractive... I'd buy the htc vive, because who the fuck cares if your ugly when you have VR."

"Saw a ""Don't Text and Drive"" sign on my way into work today. Good thing I took a second to look up from my phone, otherwise I may have missed it."

"Europe be like... eu: uk bro? uk: it's not eu, it's me."

"My friend is working on a website and told me he wanted to use MySQL. Why can't he just use HisOwnSQL?"

"Mopeds are for men who want to ride motorcycles but prefer to feel the wind on their vaginas"

"Love is like a fart If you have to force it, it's probably shit."

"There are smart men, handsome men, rich men, sexy men and sweet men and then there is the combination of all. We call that one a ""unicorn"""

"In a cementary, I saw a guy crouching behind a tombstone. Morning, I said. No, he said, just taking a dump... ."

"Why don't Jewish cannibals like eating Germans? They give them gas."

"My wife told me to prepare our ginger son for his first day at school. So I beat him up and took his dinner money off him."