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Joke of the Day
"if you have a dirty lift raft... does it make it a dingy dingy?"
Next Joke
"""It's five o'clock somewhere"" I say as I leave work at 9am"
"Q: What is the difference between a trombone and a trumpet? A: A trombone will bend before it breaks."
"I'd be super bummed if my Prince Charming rode in on a white horse because you'd think he could at least afford a Kia"
"I want to die like my grandpa, peaceful and in his sleep. Not screaming and terrified, like the passengers in his car."
"I just hope the government doesn't have my Angry Birds scores. All in all they're pretty embarassing."
"So I was going down on this chic... So I was going down on this chic the other night, when I tasted horse semen, so I stopped and said, ""Really Gran? That's how you died?"""
"melancholy is my favorite feeling that also sounds like a delicious dog"
"If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time... are they guilty of resisting a rest?"
"Little kid next to me on a plane just ate the preservative packet out of his jerky, looked at me and said, ""Don't tell my mom."""