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Joke of the Day

"Little kid next to me on a plane just ate the preservative packet out of his jerky, looked at me and said, ""Don't tell my mom."""

"Two fish swim into a concrete wall... The one fish turns to the other and says, ""Dam."""

"I hate being that creepy guy outside your window, but damn girl it's 7:30 already. You're gonna be late for work."

"I'm finally going to do something about my alcoholism I'm going to pour out all the booze in my house. One shot at a time."

"What's the difference between a male and female chocolate Easter bunny? About a quarter inch of chocolate"

"Just flew in from a masturbation convention... Man my arm is tired."

"Dentist: There goes the only woman I ever loved. Assistant: Why don't you marry her? Dentist: I can't afford to. She's my best patient."

"Just a soul-crushing reminder that you'll never effectively karate chop a pizza into slices."

"Saw an attractive Muslim girl the other day.... ""Was she sunni?"" ""Nah, shi-ite"""

"A man walks in for a blood donation. The nurse asks ""Are you sexually active?"" The man replies ""Wouldn't that be rather awkward with us both sitting here?"""