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Joke of the Day

"Why did the man who stole my crops take aspirin? Because he had my grains"

"But were you called ""dream wife"" on the internet today? Oh, you were. By the same guy? I see."

"I don't remember all of last night but the fact I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome!"

"In America, you support the government In Soviet Russia, the government supports you!"

"Two little monkeys Jumping on the bed One fell off and Bumped his head EXACTLY HOW THEIR MOM SAID SOMEONE WOULD BUT NO ONE LISTENS TO HER."

"[NSFW] What's green, and smells like pork? Kermit the Frog's finger."

"I secretly gave our Waffle House waitress a $100 tip and my family can't figure out why she's crying & hugging me & trying to get in our car"

"What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line."

"Did you hear about the time Hitler and Stalin shared an apartment? It turns out that their landlord was the lessor to two evils."

"What do black people get when they die? Nigger Mortis"