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Joke of the Day

"Accidentally texted my dad ""have a hood day"" and he shot three people"

"Whoever invented the forklift over estimated the weight of forks"

"*runs into wife on the way to see his mistress* Aww are those flowers for me? -Uh...yeah Is there a card too? *with a mouthful of paper* No"

"What should we call people who leave crusty bits of food in the corner of their mouths? #Herpeaters."

"They say acid is a gateway drug.. But good luck getting to the fridge when there's a fucking dragon guarding it!"

"How do moms in west Virginia know their daughter started her period? Her son's dick tasted like blood."

"I know my limits: if I fell down it means enough."

"A couple are talking Her: Come over. Him: I'm coming over. Her: We should really stop using walkie talkies in bed, over."

"If Donald trump takes over the presidency after Obama I guess you could say orange really is the new black"

"Lil Wayne is like if a doctor's handwriting came to life."