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Joke of the Day

"*runs into wife on the way to see his mistress* Aww are those flowers for me? -Uh...yeah Is there a card too? *with a mouthful of paper* No"

"Why did the tree go to jail? Treason"

"A neutron walks into a bar... A neutron walks into a bar and asks, ""How much for a drink?"" The bartender replies, ""For you? No charge."""

"I used to have a morbid fear of German sausage..... Its been hard, Ive been through therapy but now I think I'm over the wurst."

"How did Geordi La Forge go blind? He turned on the UV light in the Holodeck."

"I finally came clean with my girlfriend. When she came into the room, I said, ""I'm seeing another woman. ""She said, ""Oh, thanks. All I've changed is my hair."""

"Just when we thought there were no more celebrities to die and then WHAM!"

"Mom asked about a stock she's owned for 20yrs called Amazon & I've mostly been telling her I love her & reminding her my brother never calls"

"""Mr. President, N. Korea is threatening to bomb your birthplace"" ""Why, there's nothing for them in Keny-"" ""HAWAII, sir"" ""Right, that's wh"

"""Now is a good time to think about every mistake you've ever made."" - 3 am"