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Joke of the Day

"Coworker: I lost my phone. Me: WHAT? CW: I don't know where it is. M:*perplexed look* You're not glued to it like a NORMAL person? Freak!"

"The best thing after an intensive argument is the reconciliation sex... ...but boy, do I hate to argue with my in-laws."

"I'm trying to give up sexual innuendos but it's hard... So hard."

"Parenting is all about wanting to say, ""No one cares, honey"" 100x a day AND NEVER DOING IT."

"An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar... ... and the barman says ""What do you think this is, some kind of joke?"

"Why was Mr. Behaving sad? His daughter was always Ms. Behaving."

"Doctor Doctor I can't get to sleep. Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off."

"Woman without curves is like a road without bends.... You may get to your destination quicker, but the ride is boring as hell."

"My friend has a PHD. Even though he only has a Public Highschool Diploma, he has been living a pretty happy life. Side note: My father loves to make this joke, so I had to share."

"My girlfriend asked me to get her off. I told her it was a little cold outside to be needing bug spray."