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Joke of the Day

"My friend said he was worried he's losing his hair I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head"

"Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else."

"a guy jacks off with pictures of his girlfriend he realized they were blank"

"I'm not afraid to die, I'm afraid my friends will give me the funeral I told them I wanted when I was drunk."

"Parents: ""Why don't you come socialize with the family?"" Me: *sits with family* *gets insulted by entire family* *goes back to bedroom*"

"Folks are worried about global warming and social security, when the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text."

"The Kennedys Everyone says Teddy Kennedy was the big alcoholic of the family. But when you think about it, it was John who was taking shots in the middle of his own parade!"

"Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one and they shouldn't be aired in public."

"If I were a rat, I wouldn't give my ass either."

"Why did the premature ejaculator cross the ro... never mind."