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Joke of the Day

"COP: PUT YOUR HANDS UP OCTOPUS: They're tentacles COP: OK PUT ALL 8 TENTACLES UP OCTOPUS: Two are my legs, dude COP: Just go. I give up."

"My teacher touched me Seriously, his lecture was fantastic"

"What do you say when comforting a grammar nazi? There...their...they're.."

"For an Asian porn star, everyday is election day."

"I was told I was addicted to cocaine, but I can assure you I am definitely not. I just love the way it smells."

"Why is Tylenol white? Because it works"

"This wrinkle cream made my balls look like some weird balloon animal."

"If I buy a soccer ball, will you kick it with me?"

"My boss: Are you on Twitter? Me: I've never heard of it. Is it a drug? Why would you ask? Am I acting funny? Maybe you're acting funny."

"I had a winning lottery ticket but I couldn't cash it in before it expired and now I get nothing. I am *such* a Democrat."