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Joke of the Day

"[morgue] mum: [crying over my bullet ridden body] how did this happen cop: the robber yelled ""everyone be cool"" so he tried to do a kickflip"

"Just recently I fucked a girl for an hour Thanks daylight savings!"

"I just hope people who say ""Jesus is my co-pilot"" realize he's a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator."

"Save some a's for the rest of us, Aarons."

"How do you cut down a hipster tree? A suuh dude!"

"Did you hear about the snarky prisoner who smarted off to the guard on the elevator? He was a condescending con, descending."

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't pay $100 to have a garbanzo bean on my face..... :D eh. Eh.?"

"Why couldn't the man be bothered to look at the origami mountains? *because it was pay-per view.* ""paper view"""

"If my girlfriend slept with the whole Wu-Tang Clan, we'd have to break up because I wouldn't be cool enough to date her anymore."

"What do you call a white guy on steroids? An athlete"