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Joke of the Day

"Save some a's for the rest of us, Aarons."

"guaranteed Smile... possible Snigger if carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up"

"How Long's A Chinese Penis? Yes"

"Picturing all of your organs, just laying there pulsating under your skin, is a pretty terrible way to try to fall asleep."

"IAMA convicted murderer who escaped last week from an upstate New York prison currently on the run somewhere in North America. AMA!"

"Wife: Are you still tweeting about me being in labor? Me: Now I'm live tweeting ""The Walking Dead."" Wife: Me: Everything isn't about you."

"I had to do a problem involving air resistance for my physics homework this week. It was a huge drag."

"I imagine when you get to heaven they give you a box with all the sodas and snacks that vending machines cheated you out of your whole life."

"How many tumblr users does it take to change a lightbulb? Light is triggering, shitlord. DOWN WITH THE BULBTRIARCHY"

"Hitler Maybe Hitler was just a fitness trainer and he was helping all the Jews burn a few calories"