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Joke of the Day

"Why did the Chicken cross the road? because 7 8 9 hahahaha"

"Christianity is the ultimate daddy issue."

"I saw a sign yesterday that said, ""Have you seen this man?"" with a little picture of the criminal and a number to call. I was bored so I rung them up and said, ""No, I haven't."""

"Getting married for sex... is like flying on an airplane for food."

"Picking up this tiny piece of paper would take 1 second but instead I'm going to run over it 100 times with the vacuum at different angles."

"[job interview] ""So do you have any questions you'd like to ask me?"" Can I wait a week until I take the drug test?"

"15: MOM, WHERE'S MY NIRVANA SHIRT?! Me: Name THREE songs & I'll help you look for it. 15: ..."

"Why should you always have thyme in your first aid kit? Because thyme heals all wounds. :D"

"A wise statistician once told me: Be thankful you have more hands than average."

"- You got so drunk last night, you were dancing on the table in your underwear!! - Me? In my underwear? You must have left early."